Morning yessirs. It's polling day, the ferry's still poorly, and the Department of Infrastructure has finally answered the question nobody else was brave enough to ask. This week:

Put the kettle on. Then go and vote.

Somebody on this island sat down, opened a Freedom of Information form, and asked the Department of Infrastructure whether the Pope could park on the double yellows outside St Patrick's Church in Peel. They didn't mean a vicar or the Bishop. They meant the Pope, Popemobile and all.

The DOI answered with a completely straight face. Vehicles being used in connection with the church are allowed to stop there. So if His Holiness ever pops over for Mass on Patrick Street, he's covered. The exemption doesn't stretch to a quick nip to the chippy afterwards, though.

There's no word yet on a visit. But if you see a bulletproof glass box idling outside St Patrick's, don't call the traffic wardens.

Polls are open from 8am to 8pm today, with a record 82 candidates chasing seats in the House of Keys. Before you head off, a deputy returning officer has run through the ways people manage to spoil their papers, and they're worth knowing:

Put a clear mark in up to two boxes and walk away.

Spare a thought for the candidates too. Some of them signed up for "Hot Wings Hustings" at the Fire Island Chilli and BBQ Festival in Onchan, answering questions while eating progressively spicier chicken wings. The chilli festival itself had to shift a day because the forecast was too chilly. You couldn't write it.

Whoever you're backing, go and back them. It takes five minutes, and the pencil's on a string.

Here's an update on the island's most-watched patient. The Manxman is still out of action after a problem with its shaft, and the Steam Packet now reckons it won't be back until late November.

There is some good news. The shafts, each about 18 metres long, have been shipped to a specialist firm in Hirtshals, right at the top of Denmark, and the repair work is well underway. The latest word is that they'll head back to the UK shortly to be refitted. Managing director Brian Thomson says getting the ship back into service is the company's top priority, which is reassuring, if not exactly a shock.

So the Manxman's shaft has seen more of Scandinavia this autumn than most of us will all year. Meanwhile the Ben-my-Chree soldiers on. Pack a snack.

If you've been to Port Erin at any point this year, you've probably met Zeus. You might have found him on the bonnet of your car, or in your back garden making friends with your dog. The village's resident peacock has been a free spirit, perching wherever he fancies and generally acting like he owns the place. 3FM called him Port Erin's "lonely cock", and frankly we can't improve on that.

Now Manx Wild Bird Aid has stepped in, and Zeus is off to a new home better suited to a bird of his standing. Local resident Hayley White shared the news online. The village seems to be taking it well, with a mix of relief and mild heartbreak, which is how most of us feel about our exes.

Enjoy the quiet life, Zeus. Port Erin's car roofs will never be this glamorous again.

A Freedom of Information request has shaken loose the Department for Enterprise's list of company names it has turned down since June 2024, and it's a treasure. Highlights include Flick the Bean, Cant Be Arsed Gamerz, and a business simply called Dog. It had no Ltd and no ambition. It was just Dog.

The list also includes Poopa Scoopa, Skippy's Inn, The Big Manx Mac & Cheese Company, and, for the Step Brothers fans, Prestige Worldwide Limited. Somebody at the registry has clearly seen the film.

In fairness, some of these deserve a second look. The island is crying out for a proper mac and cheese outlet. Flick the Bean, less so. If you want the full list for your own entertainment, search 5877741 on the government FOI site.

The Department of Infrastructure is hiring a new head of waste management, paying up to £70,646 a year. The role involves steering how the island's waste services develop over the coming years. It's a serious gig, because somebody has to keep the bin lorries rolling and the incinerator fed.

It's also the only job on the island where having "rubbish" in your title is a flex. And unlike most government roles, you'll know within a week if you're doing it badly, because half of Onchan will tell you on Facebook.

Applications are on the gov jobs site. Taking the recycling out at home counts as relevant experience, probably.

Someone lodged a Freedom of Information request asking about the state of the bridge on Church Hill, near Laxey Woollen Mills. It's a reasonable question, since people drive over it.

The DOI confirmed there is an inspection report from last July, covering defects, condition data and the maintenance needed. It just won't tell you what's in it. The department's reasoning is that if contractors can see exactly what's wrong before they bid for the work, they might charge more. That, it says, could prejudice the government's ability to manage the national economy.

So there's now a document about a small bridge in Laxey that is technically a matter of national economic interest. The bridge has probably never felt so important. Drive over it gently, just in case.

After more than two and a half years with the lights off, The Courthouse on Athol Street reopened on Friday 11 September. Owners Andy Malone and Sheila Dowie have given it a full going-over, with new lighting, a new sound system and a new space called Letty's Bar, named in memory of the late Colette Cowie.

Here's the bit we love: it's opening from 5pm on Fridays and 4pm on Saturdays. That's not a nightclub schedule, it's a civilised society. You can dance, be home in time for the ten o'clock news, and feel fantastic on Sunday. The afternoon disco crowd have known this for years.

By day, Athol Street is full of accountants. By night, it's once again a dancefloor. Balance is restored.

Direct flights from Ronaldsway to the sun have gone on sale for next summer. Fly Direct will run Saturday departures from May through to the end of October, rotating between holiday favourites including the Algarve, Majorca and the Costa del Sol. BA CityFlyer will operate the flights.

If you've ever done the ferry, then the train, then a 4am airport hotel just to reach a beach, this is a thing of beauty. You could be poolside in Spain before your mates in Liverpool have cleared security.

It's something to daydream about while you're scraping the car in January.

Curraghs Wildlife Park has three new Chilean flamingo chicks toddling around the flamingo enclosure, with more eggs still to hatch. Right now they're fluffy and grey, because flamingos don't turn that famous shade of pink until their diet kicks in. It'll take a while.

This is proper good news for a species classed as vulnerable. The park is using the moment to remind everyone that protecting wetlands is how you get more flamingos. The Curraghs, being an actual wetland, is doing its bit.

If you've got little ones, now's the time to go. The chicks will never be this small and this grey again. Like the rest of us, they'll get more colourful with age.

🗳️ Election Night (Thu 24th): Polls close at 8pm, then the counting begins. Follow along on Manx Radio or 3FM, snacks optional but recommended. It's the best free drama on the island.

🗣️ Cooish Vooar Manx Language Festival (Fri 25th – Tue 29th): Five days of concerts, events and cultural bits, perfectly timed for Blein ny Gaelgey. You don't need to be fluent. Turning up counts.

🎉 Awesome Party Band at Jaks (Fri 25th, 10pm): The name does what it says on the tin. A house DJ takes over after midnight for the ones who don't know when to go home.

🎸 995 at Jaks (Sat 26th, 10pm): A Saturday night staple on the Prom. If you missed the Courthouse's 4pm opening, this is your second chance.

🎤 Karaoke at Jaks (Sun 27th, 10pm): Perfect for any newly elected MHK who wants to practise their victory speech with backing music.

That's your lot for today yessirs. Go and vote, keep your ballot doodle-free, and if a peacock lands on your car this week, just know he's someone else's problem now. If you didn't like this newsletter, there's a boat in the morning. Well. Not the Manxman.

See you next time.

— The Daily Tail 😽